


breathe, keep breathing (end credits)

by everythingFangirl



Category: Lunch Club, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Gen, am I the last bastion, does anyone even read lunch club fic anymore, fair warning this is kinda sad, jschlatt word of the day: misery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28530456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingFangirl/pseuds/everythingFangirl
Summary: “You’re already leaving?”“I’ve already put it off for too long. I have to go now, while I’ve made up my mind.” He takes one last glance around his room, mumbling his next words almost to himself. “If I stay one more night, I think I might never leave.”~Sing us a songA song to keep us warmThere's such a chillSuch a chill
Relationships: Charlie Dalgleish & Jschlatt, Jschlatt & Ted Nivison, Jschlatt & Travis | Traves, No Romantic Relationship(s), shoo - Relationship
Comments: 29
Kudos: 68





	breathe, keep breathing (end credits)

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I am writing Lunch Club fanfiction in the year 2021. This is set in a vaguely post-apocalyptic AU, but the specific circumstances of it are vague on purpose. They don't really have any bearing on the story itself.
> 
> Title and description quotes are from the song [Exit Music (For A Film)](https://open.spotify.com/track/0z1o5L7HJx562xZSATcIpY?si=Xno_Q5YsQZywbMIM0VS29A) by Radiohead.
> 
> (If this is in any way too much or crosses boundaries, then let me know and I'll take it down!)

Schlatt walks into Charlie’s room to see him packing. 

He startles, looking up from the shirt he’s folding to meet Schlatt’s gaze. There’s guilt behind his eyes. Schlatt can see the dark circles underneath them. 

“I -”

Schlatt waves him off. “Don’t worry. I get it.”

He does. At this point, it’s not a surprise anymore. By now, Schlatt’s already become numb to that dull sting of something that feels like betrayal. 

He hates it.

Charlie gives him a small smile, but Schlatt can see it drop when he turns away again, replaced by sorrow. Shuffling among his things, Charlie continues, “I have to try to find my - my family. I gotta go home.”

“I thought this -” Schlatt cuts himself off before he can finish. No, of course not. That’s silly. 

_I thought this was your home._

No, of course not. Out of all of them, of course Charlie would have people to go back to. Schlatt should never have expected anything else.

And, in any case, this hasn’t truly been home since - this hasn’t truly felt like home since their six dwindled to four.

Three, now.

Charlie zips up his backpack, then looks up at Schatt again. Just for a moment, hope glimmers in his eyes. “You could come stay with us, too. I know they wouldn’t mind. You’d like them, I think. If you like me, you’d probably like them.”

It’s almost desperate. 

But it’s an offer Schlatt’s been given before. 

He sees the way Charlie’s shoulders slump when he doesn’t answer. They know each other too well, by now. 

“I’m sorry, Charlie. I can’t -”

Can’t what? Can’t leave behind a place that’s already crumbling around them? Can’t abandon Travis and Ted like everybody else already has? Can’t bear to leave behind the only semblance of safety he’s still got? Can’t stop being a coward? 

He can’t find an answer. Charlie just smiles again, sadly. “It’s okay. I get it.” He shoulders his backpack, grabbing his duffel bag with one hand.

Oh. “You’re already leaving?”

“I’ve already put it off for too long. I have to go now, while I’ve made up my mind.” He takes one last glance around his room, mumbling his next words almost to himself. “If I stay one more night, I think I might never leave.”

Schlatt chuckles in a pathetic attempt to lighten the mood. “Would that be so bad?” 

Charlie laughs lightly with him for a moment, but it doesn’t last. He meets Schlatt’s eyes again, endlessly apologetic, endlessly tired. “I have to know they’re okay, Schlatt.”

Schlatt nods. There’s nothing else to do.

They walk outside together. Charlie huffs out a breath that mists in the cold night air, casting a look at the worn path that winds through the grass fields around the house. “I guess this is it.” 

“You’re not gonna say goodbye?” Maybe it’s an attempt to stall. Schlatt doesn’t care.

Charlie just gives him that same sad smile. “They’re probably already asleep. I don’t want to bother them.”

If that’s just an excuse, Schlatt doesn’t question it. Maybe Charlie has his reasons. Maybe it’s better that way. 

He’s hesitating, though. Not stepping away. Just for a moment. 

Schlatt allows himself to break the silence one more time, hating the way his voice wavers, hating the weakness in it. 

“Will I see you again?”

Charlie smiles, just a little too brightly. “I hope so. Wherever I am, my door’s always gonna be open. To any of you guys.” He stops for a moment. Schlatt can see his resolve wavering. “You’ll… you’ll tell them that, right?”

“I will. I promise.”

Charlie’s smile falls into something just a little more genuine. Schlatt pretends not to see the tears in his eyes.

They hug, briefly. It feels like they’re both reluctant to let go, and yet they still do, all too soon. 

Schlatt keeps one hand clasped on Charlie’s shoulder. “Just - stay alive out there, alright?”

It feels hollow. But it’s the most he can do. 

Charlie just smiles.

“I will. You too.”

When Charlie walks away, he doesn’t look back.

~

Schlatt finds Travis sitting on top of the stairs. Not asleep after all, then. 

Out of all of them, Travis had probably taken the crumbling of their little group the hardest. They’d all been surprised when he hadn’t joined Cooper in leaving the safe house behind, but in the weeks since Schlatt had gotten an all-too-good look at watching Travis’ resolve crumble. Him and Cooper had known each other the longest before all of this. Schlatt can’t even imagine what that goodbye must have felt like. 

Well, he can begin to. Now that Charlie’s gone.

He seats himself on the stairs next to him. Travis doesn’t even look at him.

“You okay, T-money?” He still doesn’t respond. He just stares at the front door, lost in his own thoughts. 

Schlatt finds his hand hovering just over Travis’ shoulder. He should try doing something, at least. It should be Charlie here, or Cooper. He’s never been good at this. But he’s all Travis has got.

When he speaks, it’s almost as if Schlatt’s not even there. “What if I just left? What if we just walked out, right now? What would happen?”

Schlatt sighs. “I don’t know, Travis.”

Slowly, he allows his hand to rest on the other boy's back. Travis doesn’t pull away. They fall back into silence, the faint whisper of the wind behind the thin walls the only sound.

“He didn’t even say goodbye,” Travis murmurs. 

And there’s nothing Schlatt can say to that. All he can do is be here. Not let him be alone.

Schlatt leans towards Travis, just slightly. After a moment, Travis leans his head on his shoulder.

Neither of them sleep that night. Neither of them move at all until the sun has risen back into the sky.

~

But the next morning, Schlatt finds that Ted’s set the breakfast table for two. 

He doesn’t even need to ask. Meeting the other man’s eyes and seeing the sorrow behind that constant veil of exhaustion, seeing that subtle shake of his head, is answer enough. He should have known.

“He went just as I was waking up. Said he was gonna go after Cooper and Noah.”

Schlatt reaches out to grab a slice of toast, trying too hard to look casual, to stop his voice from shaking. “Is he gonna be okay?”

Ted leans back against the counter with a sigh. “You and I both know we don’t need to baby him, Schlatt. He can take care of himself.”

“Yeah,” Schlatt says. Then again, “Yeah.” 

He’s not hungry. 

Ted settles down on the other side of the table, plate piled high with food. He’s not eating either, though, just pushing it around his plate. The silence between them is loud enough that when Schlatt meets Ted’s gaze again and sees him hesitantly open his mouth, he’s not surprised. 

“I was wondering,” he begins, uncharacteristically gentle for the great Ted Nivison, “do you have anywhere you - you could go? Some place you could go back to? In case the -” he gestures vaguely with his fork, clearly an attempt to delay the inevitable. “In case this all falls through.”

Schlatt bites down on his toast to buy himself some time. Does he? He… knows people, sure. But everybody knows people. His friends, family… he couldn’t even begin to guess where they are, if they’re still out there at all, and getting to them would be pretty damn difficult, if not impossible. 

It’s a question he’s been far too scared to ponder. Almost as if… if he didn’t allow this to end, didn’t even consider it, it wouldn’t.

The truth is, if he had anywhere to go, he wouldn’t have ever come here. 

And that’s precisely why Ted’s question is making his heart sink. 

“Do you?”

Ted nods, almost reluctantly, and Schlatt’s heart drops even further. “I’ve got a place on the east coast. I’ve been thinking about it. There’s - at this point, there’s really no reason for me to stay, but - I don’t want to leave you alone here if you’ve got nowhere else to go.”

That’s it, then. That’s the last one. 

Ted’s going to go, to wherever he still has a home left, and Schlatt will be alone. It’s the end. It’s the end. 

_”You guys don’t have to stay. You could come with us! We don’t have to stay here, we could just all go.”_

_”You’re welcome to join us, Schlatt, if you want to. Who knows what we’re gonna find out there.”_

_“You could come stay with us, too. I know they wouldn’t mind.”_

_”What if I just left? What if we just walked out, right now?”_

And he hadn’t taken Cooper and Noah’s offers to join them, or Charlie’s offer to go to his family, or Travis’ offer of leaving it all behind, because - because -

Because he’s scared of leaving home behind. Because leaving home behind would have meant leaving the others, too. 

But.

But there’s only one thing worse than that. He was an idiot for not realizing it sooner.

And, inevitably, the words slip out of Ted’s mouth.

“You could come with me.”

It’s not a question, but it sounds like one. The desperation in Ted’s voice shines through clear as day.

This is his last chance. 

And Schlatt doesn’t say no.

~

When they’d first settled into this place, Schlatt had wasted the last of the film in his cheap Polaroid camera on taking the same photo six times. It had been a hassle to get everyone in frame and to figure out who would actually take the picture; in the end it had been Ted, by virtue of being the tallest. The six of them, squeezed together, Cooper’s arm wrapped around Travis’ shoulder, Charlie pressed up against Noah, Ted and Schlatt towering over the others with matching grins.

Schlatt doesn’t know if any of the others ever kept their photos.

He knows he did.

It’s tucked in his coat pocket, next to his heart. Right now, both feel impossibly heavy.

He leaves a note. Nothing much, just saying where they’ll be going, where everyone else has gone. Just in case someone comes back to look for them, he tells himself. Even if some part of him knows nobody ever will.

He can’t take much with him. Not nearly as much as he wants to. They’ve both stocked up on supplies, food, weapons, as much as they can carry. As much as they need to survive. Anything they leave behind will be taken by looters sooner or later, anyway.

Schlatt still sneaks a few things into his pack. A wheel off one of Cooper’s broken skateboards. One of Charlie’s dice from the set he left behind. Travis’ cap. 

(Noah didn’t bring anything with him when he came here. He didn’t leave anything behind.)

He doesn’t take the items bring back to them, as much as he might want to convince himself that. They’re just for him.

Ted’s waiting for him by the door. It’s time.

None of them ever looked back. Not Cooper, not Noah, not Charlie, not Travis.

Schlatt does. Just once.

The house with so many fucking memories attached to it, the place where he finally learned to live again after the world crumbled, and he’s leaving it behind. For good. Like everyone else already has. 

He can’t bring himself to hate them for it, no matter how much he wants to. 

And he knows he won’t be coming back.

He turns around. 

(He knows why they didn’t look back, now.)

Ted meets his eyes. “You ready?”

Schlatt exhales, running his hands across the straps of his backpack. It’s now or never. Charlie was right. If he stays one more night, he thinks he might never leave.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

The silence that falls between them feels hollow.

Not every goodbye ends with a reunion. Not every choice has a satisfying reason behind it. Not every story has a happy ending. 

But at least he won’t be alone.


End file.
